WELCOME TO SUCK IT CONSULTING!!
Are you tired of IT companies that actually fix your problems? Do you miss the thrill of watching your server crash at 4:59 PM on a Friday? Well YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!!
At SUCK IT Consulting, we offer premium IT services at prices that are surprisingly high for the quality you receive. We've been NOT solving business problems since 1999!!
Based above Gary's Dry Cleaning in Paramus, NJ, we serve clients across a 3-mile radius (further if you pay the travel fee). Our team of 1–3 certified professionals* is standing by to maybe answer your call.
*certification status varies. Dwayne is working on it.
⭐ OUR CORE SERVICES ⭐
Break/Fix
We break it first, then charge to fix it.
Networking
We run cables over carpet. Professional.
Security
Password123! is secure. We checked.
The Cloud
Not sure what it is but we offer it.
Fax Support
Still our most-requested service.
Backup Sols.
We test backups approximately never.
Printer Help
"Have you tried rebooting?" — $350/hr
Consulting
We'll schedule a meeting about your meeting.
📢 CURRENT STATUS:
ALL SYSTEMS DOWN
| Queue: 847 tickets | ETA: EOD Thursday (2007)
🌟 WHAT OUR CLIENTS SAY 🌟
★★★★★
"They showed up only 6 hours late and only spilled coffee on ONE server."
— Gary T., Office Manager, Paramus NJ
★★☆☆☆
"The technician fixed our email by deleting all of it. Very thorough."
— Linda K., CFO, TotallyReal Industries
★★★★★
"I don't know what they did but my computer makes a cool new sound now."
— Dave M., satisfied customer (unverified)
★★★☆☆
"Dwayne arrived wearing a tie that had computers on it. Very professional looking."
— Carol S., Paramus Dental Associates
🎉 REFERRAL PROGRAM 🎉
Refer a friend and get $25 off your next invoice!*
*minimum invoice $500. Offer expires 12/31/2003. Not valid with other offers. Dwayne must approve.